Thursday, August 30, 2012

When you're past your limit

When you think, you simply cannot take one more thing -


a moment, that you chase - chase something, and within the search, the chase using words,  you find something totally unrelated -  my search had nothing to do with this song, nor Bjork, no - but it was where I landed, this video found by mishap.

Bjork ~ who I have always heard of, never though listened to ~

This video is Empowering

Her Energy is liberating ~ she in the video is in black and white & and all I feel is color

she is vivid
in shade of 
her own 

Sunday, August 19, 2012

When a House is not a Home

I purchased my Abode in 2007. My humble abode that I found it, or it found me by mishap. I am not sure. I was to meet with a Realtor at a house, she did not show up. I had requested and spoke to the Realtor of this house that I wanted to see. I had many houses that I had found online, that I had viewed the countless photos, over and over, before contacting a real estate agent. I had already been through countless homes, with other agents, and was feeling that I would never find a house, that I felt home.

I broke my silence and called, made an appointment, to see this house, that I had viewed over and over, online. I recall driving and finding the street, finding the house and parking, only for the owner to come out and scream " Can I help You?" .. she to say she was about to leave, and NO one called her, to schedule a viewing, she to be upset, and slam the door.

I sat for less than moments, a car pulled up, a woman greeted me, her face not to match the Realtor who I had made contact with. This agent to profusely apologize to the home owner, and then tell me, there is a house, less from blocks of here, asked me, would you like to see it ?. I 40+ miles from home, okay why not.

I went, I saw, I was shown the house, this house that I now own. It to be to me a dream house, once fixed up. Me thinking the decor, not it's entire " gut inside" that this cost,  to become a nightmare, which it has, and it's still not right. Humble isn't even the word for it.
After the walk through " Inspection" with the guy, who was referred to me, by the Realtor, she to say he is known to flip Craftsman Homes, he has a reputation that is of years in your community, I trust him, call him, see what you think. He can and will provide you with a detailed documented inspection with all the wrongs and rights, of the home, it being somewhat historical, because the house was built in 1924, it to have only two owners.  I not only was present at the inspection, I received his report, on a pdf file, it over 10 pages long, his own written with his photos attached, this prior to me signing the papers of ownership. I then able to access the wrongs he pointed out, I asked for 10K off the selling price, he offering minimal but substantial needs within the electricity, wiring of the home, his only negative. I was granted the 10k off, not even a squabble, this a RED Flag for any prospective Home to be buyers, first time buyers. Little did I know. Me not ever owning a home, in my lifetime, 16 yrs of renting, my past.

To date I have poured more than 50k into this house, 30k that cannot be seen with the naked eye, and it's still not decorated, its not up to par within the unseens, it's not up to selling standard, why? because I simply have given up. Have you ever felt so duped, that you simply do not care. That it took 30k to bring the house up to CODE. That I was told it was up to code, to find out that the guy who was referred to me, Inspector, was the Realtor's buddy, ol pal, tell her whatever she needs to hear, that is of the bare minimum, to make the sale.

This I found out after the fact, after I bought the house to have endless contractors tell me the very same, Lady you were screwed, blued and tattooed, by an emotional buy, a 1924 Bungalow, that was told to you only needed some small repairs, some new wiring. I contacted an Atty and was told, since I signed the document, I had no rights, no way of going after the " inspector" she to read his 10 page pdf, that was what I signed. Everything in the fine print, to be what it was. Had I gotten a 2nd opinion, a 2nd investigator, to do a walk through, then only would I be afforded a comparison. Not to go after the first investigator, that would be nonsense, as it is upon the person and check list only. For each inspector has their own depth of how far they examine a house.

It to become a MONEY Pit. That I no longer find to be fun, no longer find to be a conquest, no longer find to be, a thrill to live in, let alone desire to dump more money into, that I know will not bring me a return, but will have to, to put it on the market. How to you climb out of it? it's going to take a lot of elbow grease, with help, I cannot do it myself. Nothing is finished, nothing is finalized. I have to bring the house up to showing value, for I to gain the most I can, which will never amount to all I have put into the house. Lost.

My guilt is yes, I have left it, I haven't done a damn thing, I have not. Because I simply do not have the will to finish any room, which is going to cost $$$.  Word to the wise, if you are looking to buy right now, it being a buyer's market, take Everything Into consideration, and get more than ONE inspection. Do not rely on One inspection and never accept an offer of referral from your Real Estate Agent, for who they recommend, as in your interest. The only interest they have, is selling the property. You are considered a Drive By Fool, without a 2nd inspection, this I learned the hard way. Had I known, had I been savvy, had I looked at this house, with it's magnificant back yard, it's charm and character within the alcove walls, the Cinderella ceilings upstairs, with REAL EYES

The lot of the property, which I found out after the fact I do not own, this too in my craw. My backyard is not mine, it is owned by a Utility company, that I was told, by a Utility worker one morning, ...... never was it disclosed to me in papers buying the house. That my entire backyard is an easement, that I am allowed to have, via paperwork, within the previous owner, documented in the 1950's. No one disclosed this to me, that I am allowed this land, that it's not mine, I have never received a piece of paper stating it wasn't mine. I spoke to the owner of the house, next to me, he rents his house out, he and I to meet for the first time a month ago. I asked him, do you own your backyard? he said NO, I found this out, after I bought the house, he to be just as prickly about the subject. He to say, you reminded me, I haven't received the bill this year, the lease bill to pay it, it being 1.00, grandfathered.  He to tell me had he known that the backyard of his house, wasn't his, he never would have purchased the house either. Hmmph. My yard is 4 times larger than his. I to put in thousands to replace the rotting fence when I thought it was mine, he to say OMG, all my fencing I sent them a letter that it was rotting, he to tell me, that they asked for bids, quotes, that they PAID him to refurbish their fence. Who's on first, they won't tell me. Not until I pay someone to Tell them who is on first. 

I had my Maple shown below, it struck, 20 percent of it, taken down by a storm this last April. I called the Utility Dept and asked is it my property or yours- they to respond, you have to hire someone to do a survey, the paper work is not archieved, we cannot say, if it's ours or not, if you want the tree removed, send our legal dept the bill, we will meet in litigation if it comes to it. FAWK really. They at present, to clearly not know the boundaries, either.   

 When a House is not a home, does it make sense, I think it does, clearly by what I have written above. When One is buying, take everything into consideration, and I mean everything. Don't rely on what is, what you feel, as in this is where I find me. It's a 50/50 that it is not " for You" but a place that only resides in your " Head" as Memories of days past, that only can be Relished, be " Loved" be found, in a place that is sacred and that is within, within the mind, within the heart.

Find a Home, with Character, that suits itself, that has itself in working order, then you can make it, tweek it, to be Your's. This to be a House, you can Call Home, by your own hard work, time and presense.

 this song I posted way back, in the times of, my house being " operated on" it still fits

I lost my direction

I was posting, as you can see and then I ceased.

I allowed One person to invade my spirit of my blog, which I am sure doesn't affect her.
This is upon my reaction to words written to me, and my reaction to cease writing on what I found an outlet, what I found my own, I guess I am just as guilty, by allowing her to creep into my head.. That I will not post on it any longer. I guess it's who's ever loss she deems fit. Not mine, I am not a seller.

Will not make sense to you the reader, it may ring bells, but it will not make sense, unless you're following me, reading etc what I have previously blogged on, that abruptly ended.  Paint to be the subject or is it alliance. It wasn't a war that I felt I was soldier in, yet was named to be. Good riddance is best, and I hope all that are within the war, figure it out, they are not the only ones with something to boast, post and or lose along the way, that there is bigger things in life, that are worth " fighting for". I think it is really unsavory for another to tell me, without asking me, but to tell me, that Had it not been for them, I never would have found out about the product itself, that my interests were self served to others, that I betrayed her. When I have bookmarks, since fall of 2011, and have friends who are in my life, know, that I had been talking about this, watching it unfold, having an interest, way before it entered this other persons market place. But no, that's not allowed either.  I will be polite and add the French Version of my feelings -

My one co-worker, years ago, she professed to me, she and I working together, she to be verbally attacked by another person, her reply to that person

"I don't you from a can of paint". This not to make sense to me, this makes sense to me now, more so than I can even explain. 
I am no longer going to blog on a certain paint, because the Taste left, to resonate in my mind, it enough to say, C'est la vie ~ thanks but no thanks, I offered nothing but positive and was told that I was subject of the sellers on their private blogs. Nice to know, one who is promoting is slandered for buying the product, just not buying it from the " right" person. When the person didn't have the colors on their site to sell ~ my fault, not only my fault but I to be lambasted for it. Because I owed them. Owed them what? My dollars? my alliance, my alliance was vivid, hard work I placed upon my blog, by sharing, by putting in hard work here. NO. That was told to me, please do not do me any favors, I don't need your assistance by you mentioning me, my site, as a seller, because, Me Humble, I defied her and bought samples from regional sellers. I am of my word, I will never mention it again. And I haven't. So if you come here looking for " Updates" on a certain paint, there will not be any.

Which is too bad, because the paint itself is worth it's said, it's amazing paint, is worth buying, the stigma that I have encountered, not worth it, to me, to continue buying nor blogging upon. For me to feel that I am made mockery on the boards, to be subject in the wars of, within the sellers, boundaries etc.  There is nothing wrong with the paint.  

I guess this is alike being a Michigan Fan vs a Michigan State Fan - Both in the same League but enemy. Hmmph.

Never have I been fair weather, WIN or LOSE - I am a University of Michigan Fan

Maize and Blue
Hail Hail Michigan
Dont' get your territories screwed up
Lesson Learned